Before we dive right in to some solutions for tough parenting situations, I need to say THIS:
You are a great parent. You’re doing a fantastic job. Now, I want you to say this to yourself over and over everyday… because it’s TRUE!
The fact you are right here, reading this on DaniJohnson.com, sets you apart. It means you seek out the right tools and training to raise up a generation of successful, honorable and kind human beings.
Look, I get it – parenting is a big deal! It can be scary! So many parents approach raising their kids, simply by hoping or praying for the best and never have an intentional or strategic plan to shape these little ones.
I think we can all agree, we want our kids to grow into responsible adults who:
Raising adults of this caliber, takes deliberate, intentional strategies. You have to pour those things into them, otherwise you set them up for total failure throughout their life.
Wherever you find yourself today as a parent, let’s tackle some of the big issues you face – one-by-one.
Studies prove, babies learn very early how to manipulate their parents. They learn how to adapt their behavior to get mom and dad to do what they want.
If your child gets out of bed three, four, five, SIX times, it means at some point along the way, you allowed that behavior. Your actions “told” your child it was okay to set his or her own bedtime.
If you don’t set early boundaries, they learn how to cry and whine and talk their way out of anything. Think about that behavior at 13 years old… 17 years old… 21 years old… 40 years old. Yikes!
There have to be consequences for disobedience. If you do not discipline your child, you hate your child. (That comes straight from the Bible. I don’t know if you read the Bible, but everything I’ve ever learned about success comes from that book).
A lack of discipline sets children up for future failures in their relationships, parenting, business and finances. Get a wooden spoon, or a belt. Shock their little butt.
YES… I just said that!
I know you’re freaking out and judging me. You might disagree with me, and that’s okay, but it worked BEAUTIFULLY for my kids.
Now, mind you, I came from a violently-abusive home. My sisters and I were beaten to a bloody pulp weekly. I was the LEAST likely parent to ever spank my kids.
But, after healing from my childhood, I realized if I didn’t teach my kids there were consequences for disobedience, life would teach them – the HARD way. Within our homes, we have the opportunity to teach our kids gently and in love.
As adults, we still receive “spankings,” when we:
Each of these setbacks are spankings. It means we crossed the boundary line. We weren’t diligent. We lied. We cheated. We stole. We were lazy. We were selfish.
Those spankings help us to succeed. They nudge us toward changes in our behavior. You have the opportunity to teach your kids to find the boundary, and walk successfully through life at an early age.
Bottom line, this means creating consequences for bad behavior.
But… there must be a balance of rewards and consequences. When you encourage GOOD behavior, your child becomes more interested in how good it feels to do what you ask – FAR more satisfying than defiance.
In our home, we taught “first-time” obedience. We taught our children to obey willingly, by encouraging and celebrating when they chose to do the right thing. Willing obedience always equals blessing.
Understand, disobedience is rebellion, and rebellion is provoked. As a parent, you have to ask, what happened to provoke that child into rebellion?
Each little person is uniquely and wonderfully made. They each have their own personalities, opinions, desires and passions. What provokes each child is different, and what motivates each child also varies.
I have a free Personality Cheat-Sheet to help you identify those things within your family.
You will learn how to ENCOURAGE your children’s strengths and MINIMIZE their weaknesses – without SQUASHING their spirit.
Here’s a few things you can do, when your child does disobey:
1. Analyze Your OWN Behavior. Did you give too many directives? Did your voice convey annoyance or impatience? Did you ask for an abrupt change? Are your words condemning or critical? Remain calm, patient and loving. Give your child honor and respect.
2. Give Your Child A Chance To Change Their Mind. If your child ignores you, or argues with you, ask, “Would you like to try that again?” Let your child think about the choice he or she is making. Then, if they choose to continue disobeying, you say “You are asking me to discipline you.”
3. Follow Through With Punishment. Now, here’s the consequence: a spanking, a nose in the corner or a privilege taken away. Communicate clearly what led to that punishment. They have dishonored mom or dad, or a brother, sister or friend. Teach them there are always consequences in life for disobedience.
(I have a script for this in “Grooming The Next Generation For Success”)
When children bicker with each other, it’s because they have pent-up frustration and bitterness in their heart. Someone has hurt someone else, but no one has addressed it.
You want to create a culture for your family. Establish a code, or a standard or even a mission statement for your family. Then, go to your kids, apologize and ask them for forgiveness. Here’s your script:
“I am so sorry, will you please forgive me. I have allowed an activity to go on inside this house that does not fit who we are as a family. We have created a culture of bickering, name-calling, hate and anger.
“This is destructive to your future. We are a family of winners, and winners don’t behave this way. Winners do great things with their life, and don’t call people names. They are kind to people. They encourage people. They build people up and say nice words.
“I need your help to make sure Mommy and Daddy do the same thing. If you hear us say something mean, you need to tell us nicely not to do that, because we are a family of winners.
“We are going to start right now. I want you to write down 10 things you like about your brothers and sisters and mom and dad.”
You will train them to edify and speak encouragement, instead of tearing each other down. Think about all those things kids say to each other:
Those become labels that stick to your kids for the rest of their lives. Teach your kids not to hurl those labels at their siblings and other kids on the playground. But when others do hurl those slurs at them, teach them to forgive others and reject those insults.
Everything I learned in my professional career as a businesswoman, I applied to running my household. It’s the same skill sets. Just like I had scripts for running my business and talking to clients, I had scripts for parenting.
Those scripts are in my book, “Grooming The Next Generation For Success”… a book that works in tandem with an entire home study program. This is a simple, easy-to-apply system, packed with wisdom to help you raise honorable, respectful and responsible kids.
It is not an easy road to success in ANY area of your life. Trust me, I know. It’s paved with potholes, and floods, and speed bumps and cracks in the road. Think of these tools as a roadmap for your parenting journey… whether you’re raising toddlers or teenagers.
Now, I’d love to know your parenting tips, and struggles you’ve faced, too! Leave us a comment on Facebook and tell us YOUR story.
Maybe you’re in an impossible situation and just can’t see a way out. I’ve been there – alone, broken, hurt, depressed, desperate, hopeless. And if you’ve ever been there, I have a message of hope for you today!
Have you ever felt stressed or overwhelmed – like the weight of the world was on your shoulders? Especially if you’re a leader, no matter how strong you are, you can only hold that weight, that stress, for so long!
Normally we expect young people to learn and take their cues from grown-ups. But today, I’m suggesting you take a look at this new generation of movers and shakers!